One Truth
by valphonsethebrave
Summary: Will eventually become a collection of fluffy (and, quite possibly, yummy) stories revolving around Librarian!Kaworu and CollegeStudent!Shinji.
1. One Truth

Hello there. o u o

This is my first fanfic. Ever. I can physically feel the darkness engulfing me. I'm sure there will be no escape, especially when it comes to Kawoshin.

I really haven't been this passionate about a ship in a long time. God, do I love these dorks. This beginning portion is set five years before the majority of what I'll be writing. Get ready for Librarian!Kaworu and College!Shinji fluff galore. Seriously, this first part will, most likely, have the most angst. I jUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY.

Ahem. /clearsthroat/ So, anyway, I hope it's enjoyable. I'm super self-conscious about my writing... this is a step I gotta take to see what I'm capable of.

Thanks! Alright, here it is! Get your movie theater butter popcorn, the fic's a'startin'!

o v o

* * *

"_If I can stop one heart from breaking… I shall not live in vain…_ "

Effervescent, exuberant rays of sunshine trickled through the window's blinds, illuminating each word of the poem, and speckling Shinji's serene features. The library had never been so eerily vacant, so void of eager minds. Shinji soaked in that peace like it was his life-source; happiness was silence and a good poem. At least, it was the closest to happiness he'd get. All that could be heard was his light and airy whispers, combined with the occasional whoosh of a fresh spring breeze, and to be honest, there wasn't much difference between the two. When anguish wasn't plaguing Shinji's face, he would glow; he would bloom, and become as enrapturing as the flowers finally revealing themselves. He was a determined, ambitious, poised twenty-year-old student, with bounds to offer and kindness to share. Tell him all that, and he'd think you were talking about someone else.

"_If I can ease one life the aching, or cool one pain, or help one fainting robin, unto his nest again… I shall not live in vain."_

_ Creak. _

He jumped and swung around, flinging the book into the shelf across from him.

A boy, around his age, with gray hair and odd, crimson eyes, stood before him, his hands raised to his chest. He was dressed in a deep plum blazer, matching slacks, and bright white sneakers, but what stuck out most were his chunky, black glasses. On someone else, they might have looked comical. On him, they enhanced his eccentricity, they worked with his overall _quirkiness_. His skin, absent of flaws, was pale to the point of concern, and Shinji almost blurted out, _'Are you sick?!'_ Because, well, he really didn't have time for that nonsense. Before he could, he was distracted by this spectacle's finger pointing in the direction of his hand, and a soft, angelic chuckle.

"I do hope you're not planning to stab me with that."

Shinji's eyes slowly shifted to his shaky hand. He hadn't realized he was gripping his mechanical pencil like a weapon. That… wasn't like him at all… was it?

"N-No, of course not—"

"It's my fault, I startled you, Ikari-kun." The boy said, extending a hand. "I am Kaworu, Nagisa Kaworu."

Shinji blinked. What on earth possessed him to do so, he would never know; he placed his pencil back down on the desk, and hesitantly reached out to shake Kaworu's hand. Why was he calm? Nothing about this situation should've made him calm.

"H-How do you… know my name?" Shinji whispered.

Their hands parted, and Shinji immediately felt robbed. Kaworu leaned over to scoop up the book, evaluated its cover, and then gazed back at Shinji.

"Emily Dickenson. A brilliant choice." He glided behind Shinji and set the book on the desk, the tips of his fingers still hovering above it. "There's more to her writing than meets the eye, of that I'm sure you know. Are you knowledgeable of what Robins can symbolize?"

" … "

All Shinji could do was plop back down in his chair. Paralyzed by intrigue, and dazzled by Kaworu's appearance, he was floating outside of himself like some beguiled spectator, watching to see how the interaction would unfold. He wanted to ask again how he knew his name. How does anyone know Shinji Ikari's name…

"A Red Robin appears, and we can almost be sure that spring is near. The return of warmth, and life. The birth of passion." As Kaworu spoke, he slid into the chair across from Shinji, and rested his chin above his laced hands. Everything about him was slender and delicate… enchanting. Thinking about that made Shinji shift in his seat.

He looked downward. "Do you think… she used the Robin to represent that?"

"What do you think, Ikari-kun?"

"Um… w-well… " Shinji fumbled over his words. All kinds of eloquent questions and educated responses formulated in his brain, but they jumbled together into a mismatched mess of awkward, and, eventually, he just spat out, "How the hell do you know my name?!"

The outburst pierced through the previous serenity, and yet, Kaworu wasn't phased in the slightest. He was still grinning. He was still waiting for an answer. Shinji huffed, rubbing his forehead.

"I'm sorry, I—"

"The previous Librarian mentioned you with great fondness. She said you visit often, and are refreshingly obedient," His smile… his smile was so sweet, "I hope to see you again, Ikari Shinji."

"Wait! You're… the new Librarian?"

"Mhm!" Was his smile getting wider and wider, or was Shinji simply imagining that?

"O-Oh, um… how?"

Kaworu laughed, if you could call it a laugh. How Shinji wished he could have that sound on a loop; he could live in it, melt into it…

"That's a story for another day… perhaps, tomorrow? I've yet to have a guest at my apartment. I'd very much enjoy cooking for a new friend."

"Are you… asking me over for dinner?"

"Tomorrow, does six o'clock sound alright?"

Every fiber of Shinji's being was screaming no. No, no, no. He was trying to figure out what Kaworu could want… what Kaworu could gain… the whole thing was bizarre. And, at the same time… hell, Shinji wanted to have dinner with him. Push, and then pull, push again. Push won in the end. It always did.

"No… No, I can't. S-Sorry, Kawor—Nagisa-sensei… "

"Please, call me Kaworu."

"No."

* * *

"BAKA-SHINJIIIIII!"

Shinji halted mid-stride, a lengthy, low sigh (with a small growl) fell from his lips, and before he knew it, two girls were draping their arms around his shoulders. He had gotten out of one uncomfortable situation only to enter another.

"Have you heaaardddd?!" Asuka squealed in his ear.

"I guess the new Librarian's dashing!" Mari's screeching was equally as unpleasant.

"_Hhhng_, why do you think I care? And who says _'dashing'_ anymore?" Shinji groaned.

"Who cares?!" Asuka slapped Shinji upside the head, "We gotta go scope it out!"

He rubbed his neck, glaring at her, "_It_?! Nagisa-sensei is a _person_, ya know."

Both the girls stopped, and gasped.

"You know his name?"

"Did you meet him?"

"Is he like they say he is?"

"Is he cute?"

"Why would I THINK HE'S CUTE? GOD, ARE WE STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL?" Shinji grimaced and stormed away from the nuisances, his hands curling into tight fists. He had to get back to his room; he had to study, or listen to music. Yeah, listen to his SDAT. Who did Nagisa-sensei think he was, making him feel weird like that? Hana-sensei, the previous librarian, would have never done such a thing! It was wrong! When had she decided to leave, anyway?

"Ohhh! Who am I kidding?!" He cursed to himself in a hushed, violent tone. Deciding he didn't have the physical or emotional energy to make it all the way inside, he threw his bag down beside him and sprawled out on the grass outside the dorm.

"He's… not cute… he's… _sexy_… "

"Who's sexy, now?"

Shinji shot up straight, his face red enough to signal vehicles to stop.

"K-Kensuke?! Gahhh—" He fell backwards as quickly as he sat up, covering the evidence of his embarrassment with his hands, making whatever he said awfully hard to understand, "Mmsomeone mor something mwants me dead today, I mswear." Kensuke laughed and lounged next to Shinji, throwing his arms behind his head.

"Sooooo, who's sexy, Shinji-kun—"

"Mm-no mone."

"Hmmmm? I can't hear you with your hands over your face like th—"

He dropped his hands to his stomach, "No one."

"Right."

"I gotta go, I feel sick, EP-" Shinji yelped when Kensuke grabbed his arm.

"You can't just keep sexy people to yourself, learn how to share!"

Shinji stared at him in bewilderment, baffled by the demand.

"You've gotta be kidding."

Kensuke giggled, "Yeah, a bit, but, c'mon, man! We never just… do stuff like this anymore, ya know? We can still act like dumb teenagers even if we aren't teenagers, right? C'monnnn. Spill it! Is she new? Have you liked her for a while?"

Shinji huffed, pulling his arm from Kensuke and snatching up his bag, "I said, I feel sick."

"Loooove sick?"

"Goddammit! What is with all of you today?! I mean, fuck!"

"Shinji… relax. Your whole body's, like… shaking."

Huh, Kensuke was right. What was causing it? Fear? Rage? Excitement? Shinji wasn't sure. Shinji wasn't sure of anything right now. Was he ever sure of anything? Wait. Yes… yes he was.

Without another word, Shinji was gone, his body moving on its own…_ jogging_ on its own. Kensuke was yelling something behind him, but it sounded miles away. His ears were plugged, his motions were fluid and filled with purpose; he was underwater on the surface. Nothing made sense, and everything made sense. Fear, rage, excitement, all three were burning up his veins, and all three stemmed from one truth. Truth, a concept lost to him from a ripe age. Relationships where the foundation consisted of fabricated truths were what he knew. Constant manipulation, constant lies, constant sharp pain stinging his eyes. From the day he was born, he had no idea where he was going, or what he was supposed to do. _What do I do? What is my destiny? Tell me what I should be doing! _

On that day, he made a decision to run into the fire, instead of away from it. He solidified his own truth… this one truth.

"N-Nagisa-sensei!"

Kaworu popped his head out from behind one of the shelves, still smiling as vibrantly as ever.

"Ikari Shinji? Is everything alright?" He gently set a novel back on the cart he was sorting and trotted over to the other male, "Did you… run here?"

"Y-Yeah… " He took a deep breath, "I'll, um, join you for dinner tomorrow night, if you'd s-still like me to, of course, t-to, to discuss poetry—"

"Oh, yes, I'd like that."

Shinji emitted a sound somewhere between a happy sigh and a snort.

"Y-Yeah, okay, thank you, Nagisa-sensei." He offered Kaworu a timid bow.

"Please, call me Kaworu."

"B-But… "

Kaworu lightly waved his hand, "I insist."

Shinji smiled, their eyes connected, and they were two stars colliding; two universes morphing into one; two souls swirling into a private oblivion that they created _together_.

_ "Yes, Kaworu." _


	2. How Do I Love Thee?

So, yeah, here's another 'lil chapter! I guess I'm going more linear than I thought I would. Eventually, there will be a time-skip, aha.

Enjoy. o v o

* * *

Three months of bliss flew by in what felt like three seconds. Kaworu embodied tenderness, compassion, and Shinji reveled in every moment he could share with him. Skipping to the library after classes became routine, and Kaworu would be there, sifting books or waiting in a tucked away cubby; once his crimson eyes fell on Shinji, his expression took on new life. He'd illuminate with joy, gently pull Shinji close to him, and exchange poetry in quiet, wistful tones. Each visit, Kaworu tested unspoken limits, and Shinji wondered if the man honestly believed he didn't notice. Harmless actions, like a sweep across Shinji's cheek with the back of his hand, or a brush of his lips against Shinji's ear, or their wandering fingers bumping together _'by accident,'_ anxious to interlock: Shinji wasn't an idiot, like Asuka so loved to proclaim. Sweet and simple contact, when its source was Kaworu, launched Shinji into a nebulous space, his heart bursting with a warmth and tranquility that spilled into his veins. Muddled, but also pure, their relationship was one beautiful mess sorting itself out, preparing to become something extraordinary.

"I-I'm going to read you… one of my favorites today." Shinji whispered, sliding their chairs together to form a little bench.

Kaworu wore his cat-like grin, and asked, with a similar softness, "Oh? What is it?"

Shinji leaned in; close enough for the tips of their noses to meet. "Close your eyes."

Kaworu wordlessly obeyed, the curve in his lips reaching for heaven.

Shinji cleared his throat. He glanced at Kaworu once more before beginning, absorbing the mix of delight and amusement shaping the man's features. There were probably a hundred other things Kaworu should have been doing. Instead, he risked getting scolded at for Shinji. Did he… need Shinji? _Need_… he shook his head. No one ever needed Shinji. Shinji… needed Kaworu, yes. He began to read.

"_How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight, for the ends of being and ideal grace…_ "

Each word vibrated within Kaworu's body like a great bell ringing in his chest, tilting back and forth, making him long to sing Shinji's name over and over. Of all the tremendous poems that existed, he never expected Shinji to pick _that_ one. He kept his eyes hidden, focusing on Shinji's pretty voice, sensing the boy's body inching towards him, nearer and nearer until he reached the work's ending...

"_… Smiles, tears, and of all my life; and, if God choose…_ "

Hot breath washed over his lips, and he closed the gap between them. Shinji's mind had been racing the entire poem; he declared to himself, the moment he woke up that morning, Kaworu's mouth would be united with his, no matter how awful and embarrassing it would be. Now, it was happening, it was really happening, and his brain wiped clean. They stayed that way, unchanging, enjoying the sensational touch, until Shinji mustered courage he hadn't used in years, and stroked Kaworu's lips with his own, placing his hands on Kaworu's chest. Kaworu laid his hands over Shinji's and reciprocated, encouraging their mouths to move quicker and open wider. Suddenly, it all became too much; they pressed their lips together a final time, and Shinji looked downward, his voice shaking.

"_… I shall but love thee better after death._"

Taking his hands, Kaworu wrapped Shinji's arms around his waist, and embraced him. He rubbed up and down his spine, smiling into his hair.

"You love me, Shinji?"

Funny, Shinji had been preparing for that question. Part of him actually hoped Kaworu wouldn't ask. He hoped Kaworu would understand why he picked that poem. Saying _"I love you"_ didn't come easy. Accepting that he even _liked_ Kaworu was challenging enough. But, Kaworu had been magnetic since they day they met, alluring and pulling Shinji into barren places inside himself… why would that cease to be true now?

"I… uh… "

Kaworu giggled, and it threw Shinji off entirely. Like an ugly impulse, Shinji scowled.

"Are you laughing at me?"

"Ah, I love you, Shinji Ikari."

The scowl dissipated immediately. It sounded beautiful when Kaworu said it, effortless. He had no doubt, none whatsoever; his love for Shinji was absolute, and it made Shinji laugh, much louder than he should have. He removed his arms from Kaworu's waist and took his hands in his lap. One of them escaped Shinji's grip, hovering over his mouth. Kaworu bumped Shinji's forehead, a silly look on his face, and pretended to hiss.

"_Shhhhhh, it's a libraryyyy!_" It only caused Shinji to laugh harder.

"I have had ENOUGH!"

Shinji's stomach dropped to his feet, and Kaworu sprung up.

Asuka had been a few cubbies down from them the whole time.

Before you could say '_Pen Pen_,' she had Shinji by the collar; her fiery stare shifting between the two boys at lightning speed.

"I dunno WHAT the hell is going on between you two, but I swear, I will spread _sooooo_ many rumors if ya don't get a fuckin' room, and shut the hell up, understand? I've got a nasty statistics test tomorrow, and you are _not_ screwin' it up for me, Baka-Shin-"

"Miss, please let go of him."

Both of their heads slowly turned to Kaworu, and Shinji's eyes widened, internally screaming _oh my god, Kaworu, no, don't go there_.

She flung Shinji back into his chair, placed her hands firmly on her hips, and got in Kaworu's face, causing him to take a step back.

"Of course, Nagisa-sensei. You are the _adult _here." Without another word, she stuck her middle finger between Kaworu's eyes, and then stormed away, making sure to glower at Shinji in the process.

Shinji stayed seated until she got back to her cubby. Once she was out of sight, he scrambled to gather up his things, and offered Kaworu a hasty bow.

"Shinji, wait—"

"You're supposed to be working, Kaworu."

He inched forward and cupped Shinji's cheeks, "I know, I know, but, we usually spend an hour together, can't you stay a bit longer?"

Was he… pleading? Shinji moved his hands away from his face, bringing them down between their bodies.

"I… well… I don't want to disturb Asuka-san—"

"We could read silently, that won't be a bother."

"How about I… come over tonight." Shinji only realized what he said until after he said it. His pulse quickened. Kaworu hadn't asked him to come over again since their dinner, and Shinji had been far too scared to ask why. Everything about that night was splendid: the meal Kaworu cooked, the pleasant conversation, the fluttering in his chest every time their eyes locked. He wanted desperately to experience it again, to keep getting closer to Kaworu, closer, and closer, and closer… closer emotionally, and…

Light pink flushed his cheeks.

"You'd like to come over again?"

Shinji's shoulders bounced a little as he quickly nodded his head, and Kaworu let out a loud, happy sigh.

"Ah, I'm relieved. Yes, yes, please come over, Shinji."

"R-Relieved?" Shinji blinked, his mouth forming a small '_o_.'

"Well… I was worried about asking you again. I didn't, I didn't know if it'd be indecent, or-"

Shinji rushed forward, chuckling, and squeezed Kaworu tight. He followed his desire again, instead of his head, and kissed Kaworu a second time. They eased into it with much more grace than before, tilting their heads to get better angles, playfully sliding the tips of their tongues together to see what it would feel like. Kaworu pulled back, and Shinji almost whined, gently yanking his silver hair in protest.

"Go, or Miss Langley Soryu will obliterate us."

"Is she glaring?"

"Yes."

"Crossing her arms?"

"Mhm."

Shinji smooched his cheek, and whispered in his ear before shuffling off.

"Seven, I'll be there."

Kaworu smiled after Shinji, and nodded to Asuka, who proceeded to give him that friendly hand gesture once again.


End file.
